i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Drake has all the answers
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
