I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
