rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
