Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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