we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
