Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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