He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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