i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
