Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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