chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
