You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
