had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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