I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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