The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
