And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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