She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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