Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize