all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
