If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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