1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
