Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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