My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
