p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
