I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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