The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
