u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
