You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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