a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
