my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
