Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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