i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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