I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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