When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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