so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize