I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
