I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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