He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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