I am in a vortex of obligation.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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