He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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