I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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