my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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