Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
