I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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