ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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