We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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