My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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