Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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