I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
