I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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