My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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