I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
