Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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