it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
