Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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