dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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