I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
