hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
