i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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