i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize