So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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