Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
