question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
