She is in my trunk
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
