My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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