i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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