I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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