u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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