dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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