I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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