My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That accounts for only three of the penises
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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